The top 5 ways to preserve your sanity as you get close to middle-age.
by Andrew Ryan Henke
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| Party City is so much freakin' fun this time of the year! |
So here's what I've learned in my 32 years of experience! Hopefully you can learn a little from this not quite young and not quite old person.
1. Get out of the damn house!
It is so easy to settle into a routine. There is nothing wrong with coming home, slipping into yoga pants/gym shorts, watching TV, etc. as long as it's not every day. Going outside is scary, I get it, but every time I've ever gone to something/somewhere new to me, I've always been glad I did. Even if it doesn't turn out to be a great experience, I'm still glad I tried it.Do you need some ideas for getting out of the damn house? Here are some my wife and I love!
1. Take a dancing class. I know it sounds cliche' but it is so much fun... and romantic too! Don't worry about being good at dancing... no one cares. Just have fun!
2. Go to a museum! It's fun to learn, and it's even more fun to learn alongside your spouse!
3. Go do all the things you tell your kids not to! Go clubbing for Pete's sake! Admittedly it's less fun than it was when you were 22, but it's fun to relive those crazy, fun days. Also, if you're married, you have the security of having someone to go with and go home with.
4. Try a new restaurant! This is great for some of the less adventurous of you out there. I know you have your favorite restaurant, but I promise you there's a better one out there-- you just have to find it!
2. Pursue that dream!
So remember when you were a teen or twenty-something and you had that crazy dream? Don't think you have one? Dust off some cob-webs in the back of your brain and I promise you one is there. For me it was making a video game. Guess what, I made one! I wanted to build violins... I did that too! I wanted to write fantasy books... I'm about to publish my third!Being in the music field for practically all my life, I've met countless adults that either say they a) always wanted to learn cello/piano/etc., or b) wish they'd never quit cello/piano/etc. They always say they're too old now. I always respond with, "No you aren't!" They never have a good excuse for not doing it... but they always have an excuse.
It really really is never too late to pursue that dream... unless your dream is to be a gymnast. Holy crap, my knees and back hurt just watching that crap!
3. Don't convince yourself you're already old.
During my first marriage, which I'm not going to talk about much here, my then wife convinced herself and me that we were old. We gained weight, we didn't do young people things any more like, you know, exercising, and we were miserable. Somehow, even though we were only in our mid 20's, we convinced ourselves we were old.On my recent, mini-honeymoon to a cabin in the mountains in north Georgia, there was a small, wooden, folksy, decoration in the bathroom that said, "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?" I'd never heard that before. It got me thinking. If you, your parents, or no one ever kept track of how many times you'd orbited the giant nuclear furnace we call the sun, how old would you think you are? My wife and I enjoyed talking about it a bit. I decided I'd be a 14-year-old. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
4. Don't be too afraid to make a career change.
I was a teacher for nine years and I hated every second of it! I was good at it, too! My students loved me, but I still hated it. I made every excuse in the book to not change careers. It was a stable job, I had a degree in it so I shouldn't waste it, what other career would I do, what if I don't find another job, blah blah blah.In the end, I was miserable and too scared to change jobs even though every night dreaded going to bed because sleep made the next day come all the more soon.
Last year was my final year of being a teacher and I'm never going back. I changed careers and I am now working for a violin company, Ronald Sachs Violins. I never thought I wanted to manage a violin shop, but I took a chance and I am a million times happier than I was teaching. I'm making less money, but it really doesn't matter at all compared to haw much my disposition has improved.
If you are miserable at your current job and you can survive a possible pay cut, just freakin' do it!
5. Don't allow your children to control your lives.
Okay, I am already hearing the comments now... Who am I to give parenting advice when I'm not a parent myself? I am one of the fastest to point this out when others do it, but I'm not really giving parenting advice here... almost the opposite.I see too many parents engaging in a phenomenon known as "child worship," which, if you don't know about, you can learn more from a wise expert here.
Think back to why you had children in the first place. Why did you have kids? I don't know about you, but some folks say:
1. I want to carry on my genes/family name.2. I think it'd be an incredible adventure.
3. I want raise amazing humans to make this world a better place.
4. I want to see what weird-looking creature me and this random guy/girl I met make!
5. etc.
Notice each of those started with "I" and have nothing to do with your kid. You didn't have a kid for
the kid.... You had a kid for your own reasons. For whatever reason you WANTED that kid (unless you didn't, which is a whole other topic... one you shouldn't discuss with said kid).
You wanted to have that kid, and now that weird-looking creature is making you and your spouse miserable. Get a baby sitter and get out! Go do things that you actually enjoy. Don't tell me you enjoy helping your kid with homework, because if you do, you're a liar! You don't get good parenting cookies! Homework sucks! Go out and have fun!
Also stop worrying so much about your child. Let your kid get their head caught in the stairs banister. Let them get a bump or scrape or even a freakin' broken bone! It doesn't make you a bad parent. Worrying about it or hovering over your kid constantly will only make you miserable and turn your kid into a self-absorbed little snot.
So there you go, five ways to keep your sanity as an edging-up-on-middle-age person, at least from my 32 years of experience. Get out there and have fun! This is your life we're talking about. I know your PJs and TV are safe, but safe isn't experiencing life! Go live it!
By Andrew Ryan Henke
http://www.ronaldsachs.com
Andrew Ryan Henke is the manager of the Marietta/East Cobb branch of Ronald Sachs Violins. He has played string bass for 22 years and was a public school orchestra teacher for nine years. He also is a fantasy author of the epic trilogy "The Lumin Prophecies." www.andrewryanhenke.com
